A Little Miracle

I am really being hit with the emotion of wanting to have another baby. I guess it's because Kenny's at that age that he needs someone to play with and that everyone I know right now is getting pregnant. I want to have another baby before Kenny and the next future baby get too far apart in age. I don't want to just find anyone to give me a baby because I don't want kids all with different daddies. That will look bad on my part but, I also don't want to go through the talk of why they all don't look alike. I love Kenny to death and that's why I want another baby. I love the love that comes with being a mom. It does hurt me that I know he doesn't want me to have any babies. The frist time I picked up a baby and went to show him a baby, he busted into tears thinking I was replacing him. I have not seen him so upset before. It broke my heart. I figured he was use to seeing me hold another baby because of Dakota. I love my baby so much. I've never felt so much love in my life until I had my baby boy.

What Kind Of Life Is That?

A lot of stuff is happening this year. I guess this is the year for peoples vacations. So many of my friends are going to so many places and all are inviting me to go with them. I wonder if they realize I'm not the old me and that if I go, my son goes. Hmm, they'll find out sooner or later. I am stoked to see my two best friends in Vegas here in a couple months. It's going to be 2 years since I've seen them. For two years I've been sitting in a house missing out on life because of this hell called Arizona. Virginia is where my heart lies like I've said many times before. This year I plan to get back up on my feet and prepare myself to make that giant step, well actually, leap, to make a move back to Virginia. That is my goal. Screw new years resolutions. No one ever sticks to them. So, other than going to meet my friends in Vegas, I have another friend or aquintance (since I haven't seen her in many years) that wants me to go on a cruise with her. Which it will cost me more money to do that than to possibly go somewhere I haven't been. I've been to the places she's going and they arn't my favorite. I told her I would look more into it but I'd rather travel AZ before I go home. I've seen many places but have yet to want to end this journey. There is one place I want to go here soon. This little ghost town called Gerome. I am very much into ghosts. Though strangely enough I'm afraid because the lack of information. I love to watch Ghost Hunters. I know all the equipment and all the possibilies that could make people think they are being "Haunted" or the feeling of being watched. I have encountered 3 ghosts in my life and am pretty sure to see more. Two I have seen my grandmother and once my father. Odly enough, I did not know that my father had passed away that night. Do you ever wonder that when someone passes they are given a chance to see the people that mean the most to them in life before they go to Heaven? I do. I have never been close with my father and until that night, I never even thought he cared enough to see his grandson. He was seen and a black mass walking out of the room that my son was sleeping in and then proceeding to walk down the hall and by that time he just disappeared. After findig out 2 days later that my father died that night I knew it was him. It hurt me to know that he cared that much to see my son and I didn't try and fix things with him, knowing that he lad leukemia. I thought that he was going to get better. My mother always made me think that he was always lying and that he over exadurated. I wish I could relive the past with him and make everything right but it's too late. Back on the track of ghosts, I did see a 4th one in my current home. It was Dec. of 2008 and I was hanging the christmas lights in the window. As I was talking to Mom on the couch, I looked up on to the glass and I saw about an 8 foot black mass, full body, walk across my living rooom. I thought i was quite odd. I looked back to the place where I was it and it was gone. He was a very legnthy scronny man which seemed to be very tall. Mainly long legged. I guess I'm more intune with ghost mare than I ever have been. I don't call on them. I don't even approach them or seek to find them but I know they exist. Spirits or Ghosts they are all the same to me. I dont know what to think about the demonic and will never even try to intrude on that topic. Now that stuff scares the living hell out of me. I dont mess with it I dont talk about. I right now I feel that because I am writing about it, something can and may happen. I'm not a religious person but I've seen a lot of damn movies. My sister is religious and has told me that they are much worse than that stuff. I'm sorry but I'm not opening myself up to that. So back onto vacations. So, once I see that ghost town, my next destination is going to be Seattle. Washington. I hear that place is beautiful. I wouldn't mind living their either. I don't want to travel nationally but also Internationally: Italy, Ireland, Germany, England, Africa, Asia, China, Australia and many more. Right now I want to see Ireland the most. To tour the castles, to photograph its beauty and try the native cuisine. Continuing off to Italy for some good ol' pasta! I would love to do all of this now but, I find it most difficult with such a young child. I have plans for another adventure also, Marriage. I was to settle down and continue my family, own my own home, get a dog for the kids to play with, and be an amazing wife and mother. Not that I'm not an amazing mother any way but you know what I mean. I'm ready for my life to kick off, while it seems to be not going any where. I want all that excitement. Heck my only excitement this week sofar has been getting my cell phone turn on. What kind of life is that?