Just Because You're Family Doesn't Mean It's A Free Pass To Fucking Me Over

No matter where I go, there's always family that wants to fuck you over. In Florida it's my sister-in-law Kayla, here in Arizona it's my cousin Cynthia. I have already ranted about my sister-in-law now it's time to rant about my cousin. She just turned 18 in september and thinks she's hot stuff because she's got it all. An only child with parents that can't make up their mind on wether or not they want to divorce and Grandparents that believe she's innocent and she has played them well. Yeah so I'm not perfect, hell, far from perfect but I care. I don't try to be something I'm not. I've done so much for this girl and she hasn't said thank you or nothing. Just blames me. I being nice put her on my cell phone plan because her parents didnt want her to have a cell phone and i knew she needed one for when she was out and about. So that only deal was for her to pay her half so the phone would stay on because I couldnt pay it because I was pregnant and couldnt get a job. She understood that completely and agreed to it. Her parents were upset that i did her a favor and they wanted to take the phone from her and I let them know that it was not thier place to take my phone from her. Well, she never kept up to her word and 2 months later the phones were cut off. She blamed me though knowing I wasn't able to get a job. I told her she owed me money and all I wanted was 200 for the bill and not just the cancelation fee which was another 200. Along with that, it screwed my credit. She FINALLY started to pay me my money but has taken her 6 months. The last bit of money she owes me she wants to hold from me which now is holding from my child and telling me to be patient. I'm sorry but I'm not going to be patient. Because she's keeping the money from me, my child is with out a crib and food for next week. When I originally tried to get my money because i needed diapers form my son she told me she couldnt give me my money because she needed it to buy alcohol for her birthday party which if you haven't put 2 and 2 together, she's under age. After her birthday passed she told me her mother paid for her alcohol and now i have no idea where the money went. She's a straight up cunt. I mean to not even care about a child, a baby but to care about her party. It's fucked up because she knows what situation I'm in and she just doesnt care about anything but herself. Hell, she tried to tell me that she's got bills to pay and she has to take care of her mother like she's responsible for her mother. I'm sorry but her mother is cable able of working and wiping her own ass. My son isnt. That girl, when she has a child my ass will not be there and if she even comes to me bitching I'm not going to give a fuck. Right now I hope her life goes to shit and she gets stuck in the situation I'm in and it bites her in her fat ass.

The Relief

Well, yesturday I FINALLY arrived in Phoenix. The last hour of being on the same plane for 6 hours i was over it. I was ready to get off. I have to say Thank you to the me and women that helped me with the baby. The flight attendents and pilots helped me a lot. I had to use the restroom and i knew i would be way to small to fit so one the flight attendents held him as i went. Everytime they would walk by and see him awake the would talk to him or make faces at him.When i got off the plane i went to ge the stroller, car seat, and base, i looked up and saw it was all put together. That was the nicest thing they anyone has done for me. I thought i was going to striggle again with everything. The smallest things count. I guess they sorta knew that i was the only one with an infant on the plane and didn't have any help so they were kind enough to help. On my flight to Jacksonville was horrible. The frist plane i got on i had a little bit of help from the people on the plane and more from the man and woman that sat next to me. But my second flight I had all the same stuff and I asked if the guy could help me and he said he couldnt leave the plane. He just stood there and didnt even get someone else to help. As I'm gittery and struggling people behind me were getting impatient. I fet like crying. My face got all flush red out of being nervous. Once i met up with Mom and got my bags mom went to get the car, ha ha, she ended up getting on the wrong bus that took her to car rentals in phoenix instead of the terminal 3 parkin lot. I waited 30 minutes out side with the baby, which was the longest 30 minutes ever. I thought I was going to be left at the airport for the 2nd time. Well, mom came back and descided we'd go together. She was about panicing. So , we finally made it to the car and I can say is I'm finally home. So much weight was lifted and I could think of was why move. This is home. So, if we move it will be to a house but that's as far as it goes. Once we got home, Mom didn't want to go to work. She wanted to stay home and play with Kenny. Kenny and I took a nice long nap. Once Mom came home I got up out of bed and the baby slept. Mom came out of my bedroom and said."Man, I wish i can wake him up." I told her to wke him up, if not he wouldnt have slept at night. Oh I forgot to add that My friend and her husband came over with their boys and we played Guitar Hero and i spanked them both on easy but medium is a bit harder than I had expected. I enjoyed playing it. I only played it once and her husband thought i has practed for a while. So today, i did nothing. I took care of the baby and took a nice shower with a shower head that had some preasure behind it instead of the water droping out. And doing nothing and getting sleep makes me happy. Hell the baby feels at home he's slept for a while. Well, I'm out and will blog soon.

On My Way

Less than 24 hours until I'm on a plane and still so much to do. I've got to go though my stuff here and decide what must be shipped and what must go with me. Personally, I believe it could all be shipped because I have everything i need back in AZ but, I must take as much as i can. I'm also worried about the flight because I have to take my stroller and the car seat and base. Plus carry the baby in the sling and have the diaper bag. It's a lot for one person to handle but i must do it. I was suppose to sell the stroller and things that he's not using or wearing but, that didn't happen. At least all i have is get past is the flight and it'll be over. I can't believe I've accumulated so much stuff in such little time. Well, not really because I was here for Christmas. Everyone bought the baby a whole bunch of stuff and now that's what I'm stuck with. Because I want to take all Kenny's stuff, I'm having trouble trying to pack mine. It's very stressful. I also have to pack his formula, bottles, rice cereal, and bottle warmer.


Now there is 2 and a half hours until I have to leave and more stress is weighing down on me. Not due to me leaving but due to forgetting my stuff. Knowing I will never see it again and I have to say good bye. I don't to part with any of my stuff. At least not in this house. I've already had to track down 2 of my movies and my sons blanket that his cousin has claimed as hers that I haven't seen since we moved here. That would be about 2 months. Nothing gets found in this house. Due to the mess and the child. But, it will be all over in 10 hours. Peace is awaiting me at home. My home in AZ with my real family, my son and my mother.

The Little Things That Make You Smile

Kenneth Ray Ahlemeyer


As my son lays on the floor next to me, he plays. I look down at him and am amazed. Amazed at how quick he had learned so many things. It's just incredible.It took him no longer than a week to learn how to stick out his tongue and spit. No longer than a month to crawl and just out of no where he's learned how to grab his Binky and put it in his mouth. He still is struggling with putting the Binky in the right way but still that's a big achievement.
As he plays on the floor, he looks up. "HI, MOMMY!" his smile said. His smile stretched from ear to ear. I know no one could ever take that smile from me. His two cute little bottom teeth poking out of his gums. Which didn't take very long for them to come in.
As he smiles at me from the floor, he chuckles. It sounded as if someone had tickled him. Which is the hardest laugh to get but, the cutest. When he mumbles to me he squeaks, though, it's the funniest and cutest little squeak. When he tries to sound out words but only gets babbles it makes me smile. The way he pokes out his lips trying to get his mouth to make different sounds.
I love to watch him try to crawl across the floor making it look like he's hopping like a frog to keep his balance. Every little thing he does warms my heart.

Pon & Zi

I just wanted to share these pictures with the world. I absolutely love Pon & Zi.

Changing The Mistakes I've Made

So I just got off the phone and have decided I've had enough. To Arizona I will head and to where changes will be made. Though I hate how far away I will be, I will love how close to the life i once had. I've dealt with enough bull shit and a sorrow. It's time to take control of my life and live on. Not just for me but mostly for my son. I WILL fight for whats right and not just go with the flow of things to avoid confrontation. After the desperate cry out for help and there being an answer, my heart has been lifted of a ton. No more burden of whether my child will survive the next day or weather my child will eat. This is for you Kenneth Ray, I'm becoming a woman and doing what is right by you. No longer to please myself and others. You are who I live for. You depend on me and I hope to never let you down. I love you. This is for you!

The Life I Live To Love

So this is the first official blog and I've already got a lot to rant about. Let me start by saying a little about myself. A little over a year ago my life took a major turn for the better. December 2006 I had found out I was pregnant. Being a young woman, just starting to explore the world, no commitment to anyone or anything, living it up and bam out of no where I was pregnant. So many things ran through my head. I be damned if I aborted my child. I'm not that type of person. I waited until Christmas Eve to have told my mother about me being pregnant. I was worried that she would reach across the dinner table and beat me. Though, that's not what happened. As I sat by the window of a seafood restaurant trying to show no sign of morning sickness, my sister in law Kayla grabbed her 1 year old daughter up from the table and whisked away quickly knowing this was the moment. My brother looked up and Mom and easily said with a calming voice,"How do you feel about another addition to the family?" I had instantly hung my head as low as i could get it and fought back tears. My mother instantly assumed Kayla had been pregnant. My brother told her no and I could just feel her eyes on me. She said,"Brittany's pregnant?!" I looked up and she had the strangest face. She was excited. I can't say so much for my step dad sitting next to me. Then after he got though the shock he just breathed for a moment and said,"Honey, It's ok I still love you,I'm still here for you."
April 2007 hits, My mother and I had moved to Phoenix, Arizona out of irrational thinking. I have to say that was the biggest mistake of my life. My mother had gotten herself stuck in a jam once again in her life and ran from the situation. Sadly I was drug into it. Of coarse I could have said no but that was definitely much harder to do since I'd be staying back in Virginia with the one person she had hated. I would've never heard the end of it. So after the day of my baby shower we packed up and went on our way. Three days later we were in Tonopah, Arizona living with my grandparents. Oh I forgot to mention that I had traded in my Firebird for an SUV thinking we would use it. I could have bought anything out there and I got an Hyundai Santa Fe. Something else I greatly regret. Back to what I was saying. After living with my grandparents for 2 months my mother and I had enough and got our own apartment. From that point of moving into the apartment my credit went to shit. She had already had shitty credit and couldn't buy anything with it so she wanted me to use mine and put everything in my name since i had amazing credit. I went with it so we didn't go with out. Well, since I was 6 close to 7 months pregnant I couldn't get a job. Mom had already gotten a job and was suppose to make all the payments on my vehicle and insurance and on the house. Well, she failed to do that. The first thing that was turned off was Qwest. No phone no satellite. Then, mom went with me to look for a new vehicle and come to find out she was buying a car. I was ok with it because I didn't want to be car less. Well, my SUV ended up getting repossessed and the insurance was cut off. After trying to get an AZ state license because mine was getting ready to expire. I did not qualify. I called the DMV in VA and then I found out my license was suspended due to and uninsured vehicle. Thanks to my mother.

July 24, 2007, I ended up going into the hospital thinking my water had broke. They did tests on me but it hadn't. After hooking me up the the monitor they saw I was having contractions. So after all the walking I did the admitted me that night and induced me the next morning. July 25, 2007 at 12:57 pm little Kenneth Ray Ahlemeyer is born weighing 7 pounds 15.6 ounces and 21.5 inches long. Also, 3 weeks early. I finally got to meet the joy of my life.

November 13, 2007, We had finally landed in Jacksonville, Florida. Through all the term oil I had been through with my mother, I had finally had enough. My mother and I had and have always been close but it was just time to move out. I had made the decision to live with my brother James and his wife Kayla and daughter Arianna. Its taken a lot to adjust to but I'm hanging on by a thread. I didn't know having another child in the house was going to put so much wear and tear on me. Since I have been here I've realized my mistakes. I do regret almost everyday moving here. I have been dealing with drama and bull shit and baby sitting and I've had enough. I have my own life and child to take care of. I do need someone elses to deal with on top of it. About 2 to 3 times a week there is arguments about how things that don't make sense and complete and udder non-sense. I feel like no one watches Arianna and she gets into everything. I'm the only one who keeps her from injuring herself or Kenny. Her mother is a stay at home mom that doesn't do anything but sit on her ass and read or watch anime on the computer all day. When he daughter wants attention she spanks her. When she puts her to bed and she takes her diaper off she spanks her. Come on, the girl is 2 she needs potty trained for God sake! But sadly she's to lazy to even do that. I vent to my mother and she asks me to potty train her. Why must I potty train someone elses child? I'm someone elses mother. As I'm watching Ari and making sure she's fed my child is screaming for my attention. This life i chose to live is no what i had expected. I love my son to death and wish I could just get out of this hell. No matter what i do it just seems to be getting worse. I can't pull my head up out of the water. I'm drowning. I try to do good for my son and its not getting any better. I wish, just wish, someone could be my night in shinning armor to come rescue me from the pain and depression.
My hopes of coming to this forsaken place was to get out of debt and be able to afford to move back to Virginia the place my heart still lies. The path I've chosen has come to be the long one. I've also come to realize that you can't always have things handed to you. And all this just from one decision on moving to AZ.