You Fool!

Ok. Explain this to me. He calls after not talking in months and tells me he's thinking about divorcing his wife leading me to think he wants to be with me. We can only talk while he's working because his wife suspects him of cheating. Which, he's not, yet. He has plans on cheating. He proceeds to tell me that he'd rather have me on the side instead of not at all. I told him I'm tired of being the girl on the side. I want to be the girl or not at all. So once we have fun sending pictures and doing our thing for 2 days, he just all of a sudden is all ," I can't talk because she's now thinking I'm cheating and I'll have to text you when ever it's over." Ok idiot! Delete your messages she won't know. It's not like we're doing anything. Plus, if it wasn't for me telling him that i didnt want to be with him then, she wouldnt have him or his baby. The bitch needs to be appreciative. He needs to be a man and stop fucking around. He's the one that jumped into a marriage and didn't know her for longer than 4 months. Then got her pregnant before they were even married. All because he was in such a rush to have a family. Just because I said no doesn't mean go get hitched immediately. He only wanted it because I was 2 months pregnant and had hopes of having a family when he was interrested. So when that didn't work out as planned he's gone and done something stupid. The only good thing that came out of it was his son. I'm so sick of it. Don't fuck with me. I know i said no to him but that was because he was constantly wanting to see me and I need my space and I let him know that. I also was playing my game with other men. I was going through my game phase. SO, after him being married I was emotionally crushed. I told him the day of his elopement not to, that I'll be with him and he didn't listen. Now look at what he's going through. He didn't listen to me. I know what I'm talking about my brother did the same damn thing. To this day he's not happy. Yeah, I'm pissed due to the fact he wants to just use me. He doesn't want me for me. He wants my shit. Sorry babe, I'm not the same woman as before. If you want me, it better be for me. Its now for love not fun.

What The Hell?!

You know what I don't get? Why they hell the cost of living is rediculous when the average person doesn't make near enough to live comfortably. If the average person is living comfortably financially they arn't living comfortably in their neighborhood. I'm sitting here looking for apartments and homes for rent and everything i $995 and above for homes, and good apartments are $850+ with complimentary surround sound into you'e neighbors apartment. We're trying to find a home so the baby and the dog have a place to play and run around but, the houses I've been finding in our price range are ghetto. If i was able to get a job and not have to pay for a baby sitter every week then maybe we could live comfortably. I swear people just make it so damn hard. I mean having to go get approved through D.E.S. for medical assistance and financial aid is just rediculous. You should see the lines in that place. The many people that go through what i do everyday. I was very close to going with out diapers and formula for my son today for 2 weeks. What happened to the days where one person worked and could afford to feed their whole family and provide a roof over their heads? Now both parents have to have full time jobs or one has to work 3 jobs just to keep their home. Will the future president really do anything about this. Yeah, their giving out money to the people that don't make 75,000 a year but it's only 600 and that's not going to do much. That's not fixing the problem. Hell, a few years ago they said the same damn shit and they gave out 500 instead of 600 and left it at that. I feel like they arn't going to make a change and everything will just be as it is. Hell, will they even pull the troops out of Iraq?

Just Because You're Family Doesn't Mean It's A Free Pass To Fucking Me Over

No matter where I go, there's always family that wants to fuck you over. In Florida it's my sister-in-law Kayla, here in Arizona it's my cousin Cynthia. I have already ranted about my sister-in-law now it's time to rant about my cousin. She just turned 18 in september and thinks she's hot stuff because she's got it all. An only child with parents that can't make up their mind on wether or not they want to divorce and Grandparents that believe she's innocent and she has played them well. Yeah so I'm not perfect, hell, far from perfect but I care. I don't try to be something I'm not. I've done so much for this girl and she hasn't said thank you or nothing. Just blames me. I being nice put her on my cell phone plan because her parents didnt want her to have a cell phone and i knew she needed one for when she was out and about. So that only deal was for her to pay her half so the phone would stay on because I couldnt pay it because I was pregnant and couldnt get a job. She understood that completely and agreed to it. Her parents were upset that i did her a favor and they wanted to take the phone from her and I let them know that it was not thier place to take my phone from her. Well, she never kept up to her word and 2 months later the phones were cut off. She blamed me though knowing I wasn't able to get a job. I told her she owed me money and all I wanted was 200 for the bill and not just the cancelation fee which was another 200. Along with that, it screwed my credit. She FINALLY started to pay me my money but has taken her 6 months. The last bit of money she owes me she wants to hold from me which now is holding from my child and telling me to be patient. I'm sorry but I'm not going to be patient. Because she's keeping the money from me, my child is with out a crib and food for next week. When I originally tried to get my money because i needed diapers form my son she told me she couldnt give me my money because she needed it to buy alcohol for her birthday party which if you haven't put 2 and 2 together, she's under age. After her birthday passed she told me her mother paid for her alcohol and now i have no idea where the money went. She's a straight up cunt. I mean to not even care about a child, a baby but to care about her party. It's fucked up because she knows what situation I'm in and she just doesnt care about anything but herself. Hell, she tried to tell me that she's got bills to pay and she has to take care of her mother like she's responsible for her mother. I'm sorry but her mother is cable able of working and wiping her own ass. My son isnt. That girl, when she has a child my ass will not be there and if she even comes to me bitching I'm not going to give a fuck. Right now I hope her life goes to shit and she gets stuck in the situation I'm in and it bites her in her fat ass.

The Relief

Well, yesturday I FINALLY arrived in Phoenix. The last hour of being on the same plane for 6 hours i was over it. I was ready to get off. I have to say Thank you to the me and women that helped me with the baby. The flight attendents and pilots helped me a lot. I had to use the restroom and i knew i would be way to small to fit so one the flight attendents held him as i went. Everytime they would walk by and see him awake the would talk to him or make faces at him.When i got off the plane i went to ge the stroller, car seat, and base, i looked up and saw it was all put together. That was the nicest thing they anyone has done for me. I thought i was going to striggle again with everything. The smallest things count. I guess they sorta knew that i was the only one with an infant on the plane and didn't have any help so they were kind enough to help. On my flight to Jacksonville was horrible. The frist plane i got on i had a little bit of help from the people on the plane and more from the man and woman that sat next to me. But my second flight I had all the same stuff and I asked if the guy could help me and he said he couldnt leave the plane. He just stood there and didnt even get someone else to help. As I'm gittery and struggling people behind me were getting impatient. I fet like crying. My face got all flush red out of being nervous. Once i met up with Mom and got my bags mom went to get the car, ha ha, she ended up getting on the wrong bus that took her to car rentals in phoenix instead of the terminal 3 parkin lot. I waited 30 minutes out side with the baby, which was the longest 30 minutes ever. I thought I was going to be left at the airport for the 2nd time. Well, mom came back and descided we'd go together. She was about panicing. So , we finally made it to the car and I can say is I'm finally home. So much weight was lifted and I could think of was why move. This is home. So, if we move it will be to a house but that's as far as it goes. Once we got home, Mom didn't want to go to work. She wanted to stay home and play with Kenny. Kenny and I took a nice long nap. Once Mom came home I got up out of bed and the baby slept. Mom came out of my bedroom and said."Man, I wish i can wake him up." I told her to wke him up, if not he wouldnt have slept at night. Oh I forgot to add that My friend and her husband came over with their boys and we played Guitar Hero and i spanked them both on easy but medium is a bit harder than I had expected. I enjoyed playing it. I only played it once and her husband thought i has practed for a while. So today, i did nothing. I took care of the baby and took a nice shower with a shower head that had some preasure behind it instead of the water droping out. And doing nothing and getting sleep makes me happy. Hell the baby feels at home he's slept for a while. Well, I'm out and will blog soon.

On My Way

Less than 24 hours until I'm on a plane and still so much to do. I've got to go though my stuff here and decide what must be shipped and what must go with me. Personally, I believe it could all be shipped because I have everything i need back in AZ but, I must take as much as i can. I'm also worried about the flight because I have to take my stroller and the car seat and base. Plus carry the baby in the sling and have the diaper bag. It's a lot for one person to handle but i must do it. I was suppose to sell the stroller and things that he's not using or wearing but, that didn't happen. At least all i have is get past is the flight and it'll be over. I can't believe I've accumulated so much stuff in such little time. Well, not really because I was here for Christmas. Everyone bought the baby a whole bunch of stuff and now that's what I'm stuck with. Because I want to take all Kenny's stuff, I'm having trouble trying to pack mine. It's very stressful. I also have to pack his formula, bottles, rice cereal, and bottle warmer.


Now there is 2 and a half hours until I have to leave and more stress is weighing down on me. Not due to me leaving but due to forgetting my stuff. Knowing I will never see it again and I have to say good bye. I don't to part with any of my stuff. At least not in this house. I've already had to track down 2 of my movies and my sons blanket that his cousin has claimed as hers that I haven't seen since we moved here. That would be about 2 months. Nothing gets found in this house. Due to the mess and the child. But, it will be all over in 10 hours. Peace is awaiting me at home. My home in AZ with my real family, my son and my mother.

The Little Things That Make You Smile

Kenneth Ray Ahlemeyer


As my son lays on the floor next to me, he plays. I look down at him and am amazed. Amazed at how quick he had learned so many things. It's just incredible.It took him no longer than a week to learn how to stick out his tongue and spit. No longer than a month to crawl and just out of no where he's learned how to grab his Binky and put it in his mouth. He still is struggling with putting the Binky in the right way but still that's a big achievement.
As he plays on the floor, he looks up. "HI, MOMMY!" his smile said. His smile stretched from ear to ear. I know no one could ever take that smile from me. His two cute little bottom teeth poking out of his gums. Which didn't take very long for them to come in.
As he smiles at me from the floor, he chuckles. It sounded as if someone had tickled him. Which is the hardest laugh to get but, the cutest. When he mumbles to me he squeaks, though, it's the funniest and cutest little squeak. When he tries to sound out words but only gets babbles it makes me smile. The way he pokes out his lips trying to get his mouth to make different sounds.
I love to watch him try to crawl across the floor making it look like he's hopping like a frog to keep his balance. Every little thing he does warms my heart.

Pon & Zi

I just wanted to share these pictures with the world. I absolutely love Pon & Zi.