The Life I Live To Love

So this is the first official blog and I've already got a lot to rant about. Let me start by saying a little about myself. A little over a year ago my life took a major turn for the better. December 2006 I had found out I was pregnant. Being a young woman, just starting to explore the world, no commitment to anyone or anything, living it up and bam out of no where I was pregnant. So many things ran through my head. I be damned if I aborted my child. I'm not that type of person. I waited until Christmas Eve to have told my mother about me being pregnant. I was worried that she would reach across the dinner table and beat me. Though, that's not what happened. As I sat by the window of a seafood restaurant trying to show no sign of morning sickness, my sister in law Kayla grabbed her 1 year old daughter up from the table and whisked away quickly knowing this was the moment. My brother looked up and Mom and easily said with a calming voice,"How do you feel about another addition to the family?" I had instantly hung my head as low as i could get it and fought back tears. My mother instantly assumed Kayla had been pregnant. My brother told her no and I could just feel her eyes on me. She said,"Brittany's pregnant?!" I looked up and she had the strangest face. She was excited. I can't say so much for my step dad sitting next to me. Then after he got though the shock he just breathed for a moment and said,"Honey, It's ok I still love you,I'm still here for you."
April 2007 hits, My mother and I had moved to Phoenix, Arizona out of irrational thinking. I have to say that was the biggest mistake of my life. My mother had gotten herself stuck in a jam once again in her life and ran from the situation. Sadly I was drug into it. Of coarse I could have said no but that was definitely much harder to do since I'd be staying back in Virginia with the one person she had hated. I would've never heard the end of it. So after the day of my baby shower we packed up and went on our way. Three days later we were in Tonopah, Arizona living with my grandparents. Oh I forgot to mention that I had traded in my Firebird for an SUV thinking we would use it. I could have bought anything out there and I got an Hyundai Santa Fe. Something else I greatly regret. Back to what I was saying. After living with my grandparents for 2 months my mother and I had enough and got our own apartment. From that point of moving into the apartment my credit went to shit. She had already had shitty credit and couldn't buy anything with it so she wanted me to use mine and put everything in my name since i had amazing credit. I went with it so we didn't go with out. Well, since I was 6 close to 7 months pregnant I couldn't get a job. Mom had already gotten a job and was suppose to make all the payments on my vehicle and insurance and on the house. Well, she failed to do that. The first thing that was turned off was Qwest. No phone no satellite. Then, mom went with me to look for a new vehicle and come to find out she was buying a car. I was ok with it because I didn't want to be car less. Well, my SUV ended up getting repossessed and the insurance was cut off. After trying to get an AZ state license because mine was getting ready to expire. I did not qualify. I called the DMV in VA and then I found out my license was suspended due to and uninsured vehicle. Thanks to my mother.

July 24, 2007, I ended up going into the hospital thinking my water had broke. They did tests on me but it hadn't. After hooking me up the the monitor they saw I was having contractions. So after all the walking I did the admitted me that night and induced me the next morning. July 25, 2007 at 12:57 pm little Kenneth Ray Ahlemeyer is born weighing 7 pounds 15.6 ounces and 21.5 inches long. Also, 3 weeks early. I finally got to meet the joy of my life.

November 13, 2007, We had finally landed in Jacksonville, Florida. Through all the term oil I had been through with my mother, I had finally had enough. My mother and I had and have always been close but it was just time to move out. I had made the decision to live with my brother James and his wife Kayla and daughter Arianna. Its taken a lot to adjust to but I'm hanging on by a thread. I didn't know having another child in the house was going to put so much wear and tear on me. Since I have been here I've realized my mistakes. I do regret almost everyday moving here. I have been dealing with drama and bull shit and baby sitting and I've had enough. I have my own life and child to take care of. I do need someone elses to deal with on top of it. About 2 to 3 times a week there is arguments about how things that don't make sense and complete and udder non-sense. I feel like no one watches Arianna and she gets into everything. I'm the only one who keeps her from injuring herself or Kenny. Her mother is a stay at home mom that doesn't do anything but sit on her ass and read or watch anime on the computer all day. When he daughter wants attention she spanks her. When she puts her to bed and she takes her diaper off she spanks her. Come on, the girl is 2 she needs potty trained for God sake! But sadly she's to lazy to even do that. I vent to my mother and she asks me to potty train her. Why must I potty train someone elses child? I'm someone elses mother. As I'm watching Ari and making sure she's fed my child is screaming for my attention. This life i chose to live is no what i had expected. I love my son to death and wish I could just get out of this hell. No matter what i do it just seems to be getting worse. I can't pull my head up out of the water. I'm drowning. I try to do good for my son and its not getting any better. I wish, just wish, someone could be my night in shinning armor to come rescue me from the pain and depression.
My hopes of coming to this forsaken place was to get out of debt and be able to afford to move back to Virginia the place my heart still lies. The path I've chosen has come to be the long one. I've also come to realize that you can't always have things handed to you. And all this just from one decision on moving to AZ.