Get What You Deserve

Life seemed great until I was hit like a ton of bricks. Why is it men think they can get away with not providing for their children? I am enraged to the point I want to drive back to VA and give it to my son's father. How do I deal with knowing my son is being neglected by his father because he chooses to live his life as if my son doesn't exist? He's talking up his first born son as if he's the only one. He's not and wait when that child finds out what type of person his father is. To not know you have a sibling out there and know there was a chance in time that you could have known that person and your parent takes that away from you would really give you a different opinion of that parent. I know it's a good thing that my son's father isn't in his life but it breaks my heart. How do I tell him later in life how things happened and is father didn't want him. That his father asked me to abort him 3 times? Then he uses it against me when he's mad at me. My son deserves a father. A father that loves his as much as I do and would risk his life for him. What if my son blames me? I wonder if my son will have a stronger bond with me since I am the only one in his life but, I also wonder if he'll still push me away. I know he loves me. You can see it in his eyes everyday but I have a fear that he won't show me that he loves me as much as I show him. It will just tear me apart. All this because of a man. I fear that I will not meet the man that is suppose to come into our lives and become what I expect. It's not as if I'm putting a burden on him I'm giving him a chance to love and know what real love is. I never knew what it was until now.