Parenting

As a parent I often wonder if I am doing right by my son. I spend every waking moment with him since I am a stay at home mom. Since I am stuck in a house all day with out transportation, there isn't much to do. I get board easily and I know Kenny does too. He loves to go bye-bye because it is so rare. We do play out side at the play ground but the play ground is in front of the apartment. No more than 40 feet away. The pool is right around the corner no more than 2 seconds away. The apartment complex is not located near any shopping centers. It's a great location when it comes to being close to all the interstates and highways but it's the worst location when it comes to close shopping. Since the location sucks for me and there is no way of transportation I can not take Kenny any where until my mother or Steve gets off work which is usually late and the only thing open is wal*mart. I have noticed being cooped up in the house all day makes me fussy and I know it does the same thing to Kenny. I don't mean to get to mad at him for getting into stuff that I repeatedly tell him not to get into but I feel like I live my life on the same schedule everyday. Nothing new happens. I have no friends to go do things with and no family. When I get frustrated I look forward to putting Kenny down for a nap. I try not to put Kenny to bed early since it will throw him all out of whack. I try to get down on the floor and play with him and when he brings me books I try to read to him but all of that doesn't last very long because he's all over the place. He will pick up a book and bring it to me. I'll read it and then 2 pages into the book he gets up and does something different. I also question my parenting ability because I can not provide for my son. My mother does. I've tried to get hired but no one in Arizona will hire me. When I can't buy food for him when there is NOTHING in the house upsets me. I want him to have the best and never go hungry. My boyfriend also provides for us both but, he's tight. $40- $60 on groceries to last 2 weeks. That only lasts 2 days. Since Kenny and I are the only ones home no one thinks about what we have to try to eat and scrounge up to eat. They (Steve and mom) will come home and bitch about not having anything to eat, while they are at work eating fast food or their employees/ coworkers will bring pizza for them to eat. Kenny and I don't have shit. As I'm at home and can't find a job to support my son, I'm working on my Associates degree in the Arts of Medical Care- Pharmacy Practice. It is tough to do, I know it will be even tougher if i can get a job. My mother tells me that I am doing a great job but, I still question myself. I want Kenny to love me with all his heart and show me, not grow up and hate me thinking I never spent any time with him and never showed him how much I love him.